The "Infant"-try.

I have just figured out the best way to hunt down Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan and end the War on Terror.

And the answer came to my house in a big cardboard box Thursday night.

My father-in-law, Brian, who lives in New York about an hour outside the BIG city, bought for us our coming baby's stroller.

Immediately upon my return from a Scholar's Bowl trip to Iola (go team!), I was greeted with a massive box and an excited hug from my wife Natalie, who had managed to lug the crate into the entryway. She smiled and ordered me: "Put it together!"

So I tried.

After LOTS of swearing and a pulled muscle, I was able to pry the beast from its box and assemble it in a relatively short time.

Now back to my plan:

In order to win the war on terror, we need to load up about 400 of these Graco baby strollers, hire midgets to act as babies, and air-drop the SOB's directly into the Khyber Pass.

I FREAKING DARE Al Qaeda to attack these baby (midget) strollers.

They are heavy, tough, and as far as I know, bullet-proof. They are overkill in the baby safety market- I think they could stand getting plowed by a fully-loaded semi, much less an angry mall-walking blue-hair at Northpark Mall.

If you are a midget and are interested in testing my theory, please contact me in the comments section of this blog. We'll get together and do some field tests, which include:

1. Pushing you in the stroller off the neighboring Carl Junction High School building to simulate LZ conditions.

2. Backing into repeatedly with my own tank, the 1989 Buick Park Avenue.

3. Shooting you with my 12 gauge shotgun.

4. Drag you behind my car over rocky terrain to simulate the minefield.

5. Do a field-dress test on how quickly you can change a busted tire.

U.S.A!!! U.S.A.!!!!

And Graco Baby Strollers!