This is going to be a short, short summary of our season opening blowout loss in the Church League last Monday night, because I don't have the heart to write anything longer. My pride and ego were shattered Monday.

The game was close with 1:30 to go in the first half, after I hit a running jumper (by jumper I in no way mean to imply that I was actually jumping. I was moving at a slow speed to the basket when I released the shot.) That made the score 24-20. I was fouled on the play, and I had a chance for a three point play.

It didn't happen, and the wheels fell off shortly thereafter.

Before I tell you the final score and the way it happened, let me remind you to read my pre-season summary in the prior post.

Well, we did receive 3 more players on our team, including a bruising former K-State football walk-on who is capable of pummeling mountains.

But we don't need any more of those. We need guards.

Our guards for the most part of the game were Adam, who had never played ball in his life, and a high school kid named Marcus who doesn't play actual high school basketball, and my friend Terry, who is NOT a guard by any stretch of the imagination, he just got stuck playign guard because the rest of us were getting down the floor.

None of these guys have the dribbling ability of a rock.

And the team we were playing was absolutely STOCKED with good , quick guards, former high school superstars who are reliving their glory days. They're the guys with the mouthpieces, the knee wraps, fifteen sweatbands on each arm, and they had given each other "cool" nicknames like "Cruiser," "Deadeye," and "Godzilla." These guys are not that good, it's just that we're that bad at that position.

Keep in mind that it is a church league, the purpose of which is an outreach to those we're trying to bring into the church. Sportsmanship is coveted above all else, though the team we played Monday night has ZERO of (my biggest pet peeve: the ball goes out of bounds. They race to the ball and just chuck it down the floor to their cherry picking guard. That is not allowed in real basketball. After the second time they did it, I complained to the worthless referee. After the third time, I grabbed the ball first and held it until my guys were in place. Keep in mind we're slow as crap, so that took a while. Then they tried it again, at which point I grabbed the ball and rolled the opposite way. They whined and said I should get a technical foul. The ref just stood there. Cretins.)

Anyway, we're technically not there to win, we're there to have fun. So if a player who is not very good should not be chastised, or embarassed, or really benched at all. Everybody plays. And we don't have the heart to say, "Please sit down. Never pick up a ball again. In fact, never WATCH people play again."
But when the people are not very good are simply wretched, it kinda makes your stomach ache.

Remember, we're playing against a team that has ZERO sportsmanship. They know the kids we have playing guard are awful. So what do they do?

FULL court man to man press.

It is 24-20. I miss my free throw, They score two quick three pointers at the end of the half thanks to two consecutive bad passes directly to their best player in the last fifteen seconds of the half. We're losing 30-20.

We decide at the half that we're going to go big, with Kyle, Dustin, Jacob, Myself, and T-ho on the floor. Still not a good lineup, but it's the best we have.

But Kyle isn't back from the restroom by the time the half starts, and my shoes have come untied and stuck in a horrible triple knot that I can't get undone.

So we start Dustin, T-Ho, Adam, Marcus, and Jacob.

What ensues is a slaughter of immense proportions. They immediately go on a 14 point run in less than 2 minutes as they turn up the pressure on our crappy guards. I sub in for Dustin, who needs a break, and Kyle still isn't back from the restroom. He msut have died in there. We call time out.

Jacob and I do what every big man is supposed to do- get to halfcourt to give our guards an option. It doesn't matter. Our "guards" can't get it to us. Jacob finally snags a desperation heave down the floor by T-Ho and puts in a lay up to make the score 44-22. They go down and score after a desperate fight for a rebound with six of us, in which we scrapped and fought for the ball, 46-22.

We then turn it over six consecutive times against this press, during which Jacob and I essentially gave up and just stood there and watched as T-Ho, so slow that he never got past the free throw line, was subjected to playing on the losing end of 3 on 1 and 2 on 1 fast breaks over and over. I was laughing so hard I nearly quit breathing, because it was obscene to watch.

59-22.

Oh wow! Kyle returns from the restroom, suffering from the poopies. He's out.

I have to take a breather because I'm so tired of running to half court to receive a pass which is invariably picked off.

65-22. We call timeout again.

They KEEP PRESSING until the end against our crappy guards, because at this point we don't care.

Final score: 75-24.

They finished the game on a 51-4 run.

One of our players had over 20 turnovers BY HIMSELF. But he was young, and it's a church game, and it doesn't mean anything.....

Oh well. WE'll play again Saturday.

And we'll lose.

Peace out.