Something just happened to me that REALLY ticked me off, and it shouldn't have, because it really wasn't that important. I just ordered two drinks at Sonic for my wife and me. The total was $3.18, I gave the greaseball (does he not wash his hair?) $3.20. He just said, "Have a nice day," and took off.

He stiffed me two cents! TWO CENTS! Since the title of my blog is My Two Cents, that irked me! He just assumed that I was giving him two cents! What made him assume I wanted to give him anything?

Most of you will read this and say, "What a cheapskate."

Yeah, maybe so.

But doggone it, that made me mad.

I normally don't tip at Sonic. What is the point? They grab my bag inside, walk it twenty feet to me outside, take my money, and go back inside. Whoop-tee-darn-doo. I used to pump heads (that means pumping out the chemical toilets, you perverts) on large boats at the Yacht club in Michigan, and that was so disgusting I about gagged, and guess how often I got tipped by the multi-millionaires whose poop I was hosing out?

Very little. So I am not going to weep for the Sonic-onians.

I will make allowances on certain occasions. If it is REALLY hot or cold outside and they're extremely busy, or if they're having to walk in the pouring rain or sleet to bring me my food, I'll throw in a little something extra. In my more intemperate youth, I am ashamed to admit, we'd often go to Sonic in a pouring storm and park at the FURTHEST out parking spot just to make a couple girls we hated have to get soaked bringing it to us. That was cruel, I know. But that was a long time ago.


Anyway, if I'm going to sue Sonic on North Main Street in Joplin for two cents. I'm going to have to find a VERY cheap lawyer.

Long time no post!

Hope everyone had a great Father's Day! I did....my wife gave me great news.

We're gonna have another baby!

Okay, just kidding. I would have had a stroke if it were true, and instead of you reading this ridiculous post, instead you'd be reading my obituary in the newspaper. I love my daughter very much, she is truly an amazing being God has put into my life, but I still am trying to figure her out, and I cannot imagine having another little one so close to Audrey in age! I'd do NOTHING but change poopy diapers!

Speaking of which, Audrey gave me a great Father's Day present.....I was feeding her Sunday morning before church and she spit up all over my shirt. THEN while I was changing her poopy diaper she kicked her legs and got poop all over me....THEN while I was cleaning that up I had her little hiney up in the air and she projectile peed on me too!

WOO HOO!

She loves me.


But here is cool news- we're getting a swimming pool! A 27 foot above ground pool in our backyard....we're also putting in a privacy fence so I don't scare the neighbors with my incredible farmer's tan and bloated body! If they see me laying outside on a chair they might mistake me for a beached beluga and they might start throwing salt water on me and bringing in a helicopter to airlift me out. That would be highly embarassing, like the time Homer Simpson went sliding down the funnel slide at a water park and got stuck in the tunnel...heh heh, they had to disassemble the entire thing to unwedge him!

We won't have the pool for a few weeks yet, but I look forward to doing what I did when I grew up- summers sitting by the pool, reading great novels, grilling burgers, and studying for class (I'm taking 6 hours in July. I might not survive!)

Later, peeps. Hopefully I will be a little darker come school time!

Guess who went swimming Saturday night????



Also, we had no clear cut winner in the first ever annual Fletcher-McCay Butt Races last Wednesday evening between my uncle Lennie and my brother. I would have entered the race, but had to pull out at the last second because of a strained left glute. My trainer says I'll be on the shelf for at least a month, but I should be back in top (or should I say "bottom") form by the Heinie Five Hundred.

Finally, get well Papa Larry. We all love you!

Ain't I cool???? says Audrey.