First, let me apologize in advance to anybody that has ever worked for, currently works for, or ever aspires to work for the fast food chain, SONIC:

They are morons.

I am sick at home right now suffering from Influenza Type A. Goody for me, right?

WRONG.

First, I've not slept well, I've had the chills, a horrible headache, and I'm popping more pills than Robert Downey Junior.

But yesterday I had to go Freeman Urgentcare. (Once again I was angry because the Elvis impersonator who does the music on their radio commercials, yeah that guy, he was not there AGAIN. One of these days when I have to visit Freeman Urgentcare he will be there, and when I see him, I will kick him squarely in the nuts.)

I stopped at Sonic first. I ordered a Route 44 Diet Sprite. A DRINK.

The girl brought it out. By itself. I paid for it. And as I rolled up my window, she quickly stepped forward and asked me, and I'm not making this up:

"Do you need any ketchup with that?"

Seriously.

Ketchup.

For my Diet Sprite.

I just stared at her for a moment, my brain racing through countless smart-hiney comments. I started to say, "Yeah, baby. Load me up with ketchup. Nothing goes better with Diet Sprite than fifteen packets of Heinz Ketchup. Num-freakin'-num!"

But I resisted the urge and merely responded: "No."

She smiled and carried on, oblivious to the fact that just by talking to her my IQ had dropped another 4 points. I can't afford to lost anymore.

Peace, my children!