And the winner is.......


Well, we picked a name and finally revealed it to our families on their Christmas presents on Xmas Day.

My baby girl's name is...Audrey Elizabeth Fletcher.

My wife and I each sat down and made up a list of names we liked. I had about 35, she had about 5. Once we had made our lists, we each read our names and wrote down the suggestions we liked. Natalie immediately ruled out my favorites like Lufwanda, Shanaynay, LaQueefa, Haggatha, Maude, Broomhilda, and Jehosaphat. From her list I just saw the name Audrey and it stuck out......there have been some great Audreys in history- Audrey Hepburn....and....well, others have been great as well. I'm just too lazy to look them up.

Everyone seemed to really like the name we picked, and now that I see it written on paper, or see it on the computer screen, it just looks perfect. No other name is right.

In other news, Christmas break steamrolls along at an uncomfortably fast pace. I would prefer it to slow down a bit so I can enjoy it, but I've developed a bad habit. Sleeping. Man have I slept a lot this last week. Yesterday after we finished the last of our family celebrations, we came home and took a nap. This nap lasted from 1:30 until SIX O CLOCK! It was a great last few days, but they really wore me out. ANd I didn't even have kids yet to take care of!
Then I fell asleep at 11 again and didn't wake up until 7:15 this morning, which is quite a bit later than my normal wake up time of 6. Maybe I just had a semester's worth of catch up to do.

I hope you all have a great New Year! I will be posting again to talk about my cool Christmas presents.

Fo-Shizzie.

I hope you've gotten your Christmas shopping done.....

I still have a little bit to get.

For somebody special.

You know.

Heh heh.

This weekend was a great weekend. I watched three movies of varying quality. Let's discuss!

Friday night I watched the Fantastic Four. Being the comic book junky that I am I was eager to see it when it was first announced by Marvel back in 2004. However, I didn't see the movie when it came out at the theaters. I have the best home theater of anyone I know- and I should, I've spent enough $$ on it. Since I have that, I really don't go to the actual cinema except for large "event" type movies, like Batman, King Kong, etc. Plus, my wife influences those decisions quite a bit. F4 was NOT an "event" picture to her.

Critics lashed the movie for various reasons, including my friend Scott, the entertainment editor for the Joplin Globe. He loathed it for reasons forgotten to time. Therefore my expectations were pretty low when I watched it by myself Friday night.

I liked it!

No, it wasn't great, even by comic book movie standards. However, the characterizations were spot on, despite the fact that Victor Von Doom in my mind always had an Eastern European accent. In this, he sounds like a spoiled Ivy-Leaguer.

The movie over all did not have that big "comic-book movie" standards, though the Human Torch looked pretty sweet. The Thing was only like 5'10".....that is pretty tiny. The Thing is supposed to be like 6'10" or so. Nope. He was a little bitty "Thing."

IN fact, the entire production felt pretty chintzy. So much so that they cut vital sequences- one minute, they're getting ready to launch into space, the next second the shuttle is gliding into spacedock. Couldn't quite find the FUNDS, people?

The only part of the movie that I REALLY liked was the final battle with Doom- it really showed the way the FF work together in the comics, each utilizing the powers of the other to defeat a foe much stronger than any of them.

I'd give it a low "B."

Saturday night, after watching the Chiefs play loathesome defense in a crushing 27-17 defeat that may have annihilated the Chiefs' playoff hopes, Natalie and I watched "Christmas With the Kranks," the film based on John Grisham's novel "Skipping Christmas." Starring Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis as Luther and Nora Krank, the movie tells the story of a couple saddened over their daughter's absence during the Holidays. To escape their grief, they decide to boycott their annual Christmas splurge, including their party, charitable donations, and ridiculous community Christmas celebrations that would make Clark Griswold blush.

This movie is kinda funny in parts, but overall, the book is better. I don't think I ever really laughed out loud, except for a couple of chuckles that I felt almost obligated to let go. The part with the two cops happening across a real crime while stalling WAS pretty funny, though.

I give it a C+.

Yesterday was my big Holiday movie treat. Ten of my friends and myself went to see King Kong. Simply put: Great. I really enjoyed it. I almost cried at the end, but the tears just didn't quite come. I was more angry than anything else. Seeing Kong's last stand on top of the Empire State Building was excruciating. I knew how it was going to end, I knew the final price Kong would pay to defend Ann, but still I hoped against hope that it just might turn out differently this time, that just maybe Joplin Missouri would get a special "Secret Director's Cut" print of the film that would have Kong leap onto the back of one of the planes and fly it down to safety, where he would board the USS VENTURE and set sail back to Skull Island, maybe stopping by the Cayman Islands or something for a little Carribbean vacation.

Here are the moments that really stuck out to me:

1. The V-Rex versus Kong fight was simply amazing. It lasted A LOT longer than I expected, and was breathtaking in its sheer savagery.

2. The little moment with Kong on the ice in Central Park. Kong is just a big lonely kid, having fun on the ice for the very first time...and then come the retarded military types hell bent on killing him.

There were others, but I just saw the film last night, and I haven't really had time to process it. However, I do have a couple gripes:

1. The entire "Jimmy" plotline- WHO CARES, especially when he played ZERO role in the end of the movie.

2. NO WAY IN THE WORLD does the military drive around NEW YORK CITY blasting the crap out of everything they see- I mean, come on, artillery inside the city limits? Give me a break. Seriously retarded.

3. Did Ann never get cold during her cross-city trek with Kong? He must have been putting off some SERIOUS BTU's to keep her warm.

4. The winds atop the Empire State Building would have blown Jack and Ann right off the top. Yet their hair wasn't even MOVING during the last scenes.

5. Jack Black's character was a grade A jerk. Actually, that isn't a gripe, because he seriously played the role pretty well. However, the character made me mad.

I won't be seeing this movie for a long time, not because I didn't like it. Quite the opposite, really. I loved it. However, the ending left me on such a down note that it will be months before I'm ready to see it again.

Scott got me the 1933 Original King Kong that I'm going to watch here after a while, I can't wait to see it.

Later, kidz!

Here are my favorite Christmas/Holiday Movies and Programs:

10. Star Wars Holiday Special. Aired only once in 1978. Embarassingly, excruciatingly awful. None of it is worth mentioning, save for the first appearance of Boba Fett in the short cartoon that thankfully saves the viewer from endless video footage of Chewbacca's family, especially the crotchety old geezer granda Wookie with the severe underbite. Sucks so bad.

9. The Santa Clause. Yes, I liked it. Sappy. Goofy. Funny.

8. Home Alone/Home Alone 2. Since they were practically the same movie, but JEEZ....Joe Pesci was the BOMB in these flicks. Plus, Home Alone 2 was the first holiday flick that we had when I worked at the Movie Theater in Joplin, and man was it HUGE. Lots of good memories there. Ironically, I had forgotten about it until this morning. Thanks, Tien.

7.Muppet Family Christmas: TV musical. Makes me laugh so hard I cry. I love the Muppets. Animal picks up the phone and says "Hello Hello Hello Gimme Presents! Oh. Pig." And throws the phone down in disgust, mumbling. I love it.

6. Ernest Saves Christmas: Stupid, stupid movie, but it holds a special place in my heart. Plus, my buddy Brandon and I held a secret crush on the actress who played 'Harmony Starr.'

5. A Miracle on 34th Street. 90% of this movie you can throw away. BUT....the scene where Santa signs "Jingle Bells" to the little deaf girl SERIOUSLY brings a tear to my eye every time I see it- it's so tender, so sweet. Ahem. Sorry to break up there. It totally kicks BUTT. Got too mushy for a moment.

4. It's a Wonderful Life: Very long movie, but very good. I love the old flick, because I'm a huge Jimmy Stewart flick. And the old geezer who played the angel, Pubert, or whatever the crud his name was......pure Christmas magic. Plus, Donna Reed was hot.

3. Holiday Inn: I've only seen it once, but I really liked it, except for the musical number "Abraham," which is the most racially pejorative number EVER to be on screen. Bing Crosby in black face...yikes.

2. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I've seen it 10000 times and I laugh every single time. I have it memorized. There are so many moments that bring a smile to my face- cousin Eddie, the grandma and grandpa......Snots the dog. Pure Christmas Joy.

1. A Christmas Story- Even though it was set in the 1950s.....it seemed like every moment was taken from my childhood. I loved Ralphie, and even poor, poor Flick, the young lad who made up for getting his tongue stuck to the flagpole by growing up to be a porn star. "Oh FUDGE!"Here are my favorite Christmas/Holiday Movies and Programs:

I love Christmas.

I don't love all the crap that comes with it.

And that includes trying to make plans to make everyone in your families happy. Because no matter what you decide, someone gets their feelings hurt. 9,000 different people to see on one friggin' day.....pain in the butt.

I'm in a rotten mood right now. I need a big dose of Christmas spirit. I want to see kids in the hallways wishing each other Merry Christmas instead of just bumping into one another. Can't anybody say "excuse me" anymore?

Therefore, as of this moment, next time I see someone run into someone else without saying excuse me, I'm going to call them out. Boy, girl, Freshmen, senior- doesn't matter.

We're gonna see from frickin' courtesy in the halls.

Merry Christmas.

Below is something to cheer me up.

Also, check out the "Numa Numa" video. It is addicting....and irritating....I love it.

Carol of the Bells

Also, check out the "Numa Numa" video. It is addicting....and irritating....I love it.

Numa Numa


And this poor sap....hahaha.....check out the Braveheart one......his evil friends found this video he had made of himself re-enacting Darth Maul from Star Wars I...and they posted it on the internet! He now has a cult following of his own!!!! Thanks to Mr. Derfelt for this one.

Star Wars Kid

Once more into the breach, my friends.....

It's 8:42 on a Saturday morning. I slept in until 8:15. I NEVER sleep in that late. I fear I may have missed my chance.

But it's time to add my contribution to the endless battle of commercialism and greed....to surf the waves of the financially elite.....armed with a crummy car and a bank account teetering on the verge on solvency......I hold my breath....

I don't know if I'll make it or not....it will be dangerous. I risk a lot by going out- I have a wife and a baby girl on the way- what happens if I don't make it back? Will they ask, was it really worth it all? Was the mission worth the price I paid?

Will my students miss me when I'm gone.....

for if I never return from my dangerous mission, what will they say? Will I have taught them ANYTHING? What about my friends? My family? Will they shed a tear?

I cannot only say that I hope they understand the importance of what I tried to do, and just how much I love them all.

For those of you reading these final words, please know that I hold you all in the highest regards.

Well, most of you. Some of you just plain suck.

And since it's too late for any of you to stop me, here is my mission, and a dangerous one it is:

I'm going to do some more Christmas shopping to find an inflatable Stewie punching bag from the Family Guy.

More later (if I return!!!)

EDITED: 10:51 pm. 12/10/05

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My mission was a failure. I report to you as a broken, shattered shell of a man. Christmas shopping (or "Holiday" shopping according to the athiests at Wal-Mart) was torture. Sheer, unadulterated torture. The lines...the rude people....the 19,000 kids at the mall......the traffic.....the parking-spot-bloodbaths.....Oh my gosh.....I'm crying thinking about it....I'm gonna..I'm gonna go lie down now. Somebody hold my hand. Sniff, sniff...

The horror....the horror.....

I am, as of this moment, putting myself on a Halo 2 one week suspension. Tonight I unleashed a profanity-laced tirade that would have made General George Patton Blush, just because I was losing at a stupid game. I don't get that mad at bad things in REAL life. So therefore I won't play again for a full week.

There's a lesson to be learned here, boys and girls...


Maybe I'll learn it, then I'll pass it on to you.

CNN

Let it snow let it snow let is PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SNOW!!!!

Actually, getting snow right now isn't the main reason I write this- I write this because

1. I think all weathermen are dirty, dirty liars.

2. I think they are all mentally damaged.

3. Mother nature has it out for Cherokee County, Kansas.

Let me address these points:

1. Ahem. They are never right. Ever. I've seen countless snow predictions over the past two years turn out to be false.

2. Listening to some our weathermen is like listening to a hair-lipped aborigine speaking Pig Latin Underwater.

3. Cherokee County gets weather that is destructive- tornadoes, horrendous thunderstorms with damaging straight line winds....but never the nice, pretty stuff- SNOW. Never. There seems to be an invisible line between Oswego and Miami. Between those towns stretches an area through Cherokee and Jasper Counties that a student of mine colloquially named "No-Snow Alley."


Nothing is more beautiful than a fresh, untrampled snow in the morning. Making a fire, reading a book, cooking a pot of chili- all these remind me of my childhood.

And now that I have a house of my own with its own fireplace, guess how many snowy mornings I've got to enjoy?

That's right.

ZERO.

Mother Nature is a skank.

Let it snow, let it snow, for heaven's sake let it snow....

Is it just me or is there a massive invisible wall that keeps Cherokee County from getting snow? Time after time I get my hopes up with a prediction of snow only to see those hopes SHATTERED AND BROKEN against the wall. For example....yesterday, the prediction for snowfall in Columbus was 3 to 6 inches. Then it went to 2 to 4, then 1 to 3, now to UP to ONE FLIPPING INCH.

Yay.

Every time it happens like this.....every single time. North of Oswego gets tons of snow......SOuth of Baxter SPrings gets tons of snow...Interstate 44 is the dividing line to the south, and for some unknown reason it is ALWAYS the dividing line...What does the Snow Gods know that we don't? We in this corridor between Chetopa and Webb City get JACK SQUAT.

I love the snow. I always have and I always will. I love going outside in the silence of a nice snowy morning. Untouched snow is beautiful and pristine.

Too bad I live in the one part of the state that gets JACK SQUAT.

LET IT SNOW.

I felt her move! I felt her move!

All is right with the world.

Friday night as I was laying bed beside Natalie, she excitedly said, "Ooh! She's moving!" So she grabbed my hand and put it on her belly.....and at first, nothing happened. The little booger apparently was playing opossum.....but then I felt her. It was a little movement, not like a major ninja kick to her belly, but something small....a little rolling move. Then another, and another back to back in rapid succession......simply amazing. wow. Then she went still....but it was just like it was a little moment to let me know:

"Daddy, I'm here."